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[BETTY and SUE — a new breed of pragmatic, post-Bernie Biden supporters — sit at a Biden 2020 campaign booth on a sidewalk. They talk to each other while urging passersby to vote Biden.]

BETTY: Ugh, I hate him.

SUE: He’s a warmonger.

BETTY: A one-percenter.

SUE: An establishment sweetheart.

BETTY: An old-money asshole.

SUE: An oil and gas hole.

BETTY: Hate him.

SUE: Can’t stand him.

BETTY: He’s the fucking worst.

SUE: He’s the second fucking worst.

BOTH (to a passerby): Biden sucks, vote Biden!

BETTY (to SUE): I met a guy at the airport who had Warren as a law professor. Said he’s never met a sharper mind.

SUE: My cousin joined a human chain with Bernie and sang “This Land Is Your Land” with Navajo protestors outside a fracking facility.

BETTY: At the volunteer meet and greet, Biden bragged that he hasn’t used a segregated water fountain since the ’60s.

SUE: I shared some M&Ms with him and he licked the chocolate off my fingers. I think he couldn’t tell our hands apart.

BETTY: He’s a dinosaur.

SUE: And brains don’t fossilize well.

BOTH (to a passerby): Biden sucks, vote Biden!

BETTY (to SUE): If this is what it takes to get Trump out, so be it.

SUE: Root canals are bad, but tooth decay is worse.

BETTY: We’ll be weak.

SUE: We’ll nauseous.

BETTY: We’ll have a ringing in our ears for days.

SUE: We’ll forget we posted TikTok dances while on painkillers.

BETTY: What about after we elect him?

SUE: We saw that movie back in 2000.

BETTY: Instead of policy, just handshakes and smiles.

SUE: And the sequel in 2004.

BETTY: Maybe he’ll pick a strong running mate that’ll pull his strings.

SUE: I tell ya, we’ve already seen this movie!

BETTY: A benevolent Cheney.

SUE: We deserve more than a little good Dick.

BOTH (to DOUG as he walks by): Biden sucks, vote Biden!

DOUG (to BETTY and SUE): Hey, fuck Joe Biden. That guy’s the fucking worst!

SUE: The second fucking worst.

DOUG: He’s the human equivalent of steamed rice.

BETTY: We know.

DOUG: In 2008, I was so excited on election day that I woke up before the alarm and skipped my coffee. I never gave a shit about politics or patriotism or any of that, and on Inauguration Day I accidentally saluted a pigeon cuz I thought it was a bald eagle. You think your boy Biden is gonna make people do any of that?

SUE: Nope, he sucks. His lawn signs have more personality than he does.

BETTY: He totally sucks. He’s like raw tofu fucked plain yogurt.

SUE: So what do you say? Do we have your vote?

DOUG (pauses then sighs): Yeah, alright.

[DOUG pulls up a chair and joins BETTY and SUE behind the booth.]

ALL (to a passerby): Biden sucks, vote Biden!