Thursday, April 30, 2009
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Leviticus
Gay marriage is bad. It is morally indefensible and repugnant to anyone who has experimented with gay sex in college and Anne Heche.
Yet it seems every other day, some state is legalizing the breakdown of traditional American values. It's true that some traditional American values, like slavery and the right to privacy, needed breaking down. But every time I see or hear about another gay pride parade or Rosie O'Donnell YouTube rant, I want buy another Bill O'Reilly t-shirt. Seriously.
The real reason the gays want to marry is the same reason everyone wants to be an illegal alien. It's the benefits. 'Why," says the gay man, "does the guy doing my lawn get free medical from the state, but I have to pay full price for my life partner's colonoscopy?"
Why indeed? Well here's the answer. Because you broke God's law, moron. Instead of going out and having multiple partners, having unprotected sodomy with other sinners and spreading the HIV virus as God intended, you have chosen to be homosexually monogamous.
Yet it seems every other day, some state is legalizing the breakdown of traditional American values. It's true that some traditional American values, like slavery and the right to privacy, needed breaking down. But every time I see or hear about another gay pride parade or Rosie O'Donnell YouTube rant, I want buy another Bill O'Reilly t-shirt. Seriously.
The real reason the gays want to marry is the same reason everyone wants to be an illegal alien. It's the benefits. 'Why," says the gay man, "does the guy doing my lawn get free medical from the state, but I have to pay full price for my life partner's colonoscopy?"
Why indeed? Well here's the answer. Because you broke God's law, moron. Instead of going out and having multiple partners, having unprotected sodomy with other sinners and spreading the HIV virus as God intended, you have chosen to be homosexually monogamous.
Monday, April 27, 2009
EMOTIONAL STATE 3A
- - - -
It has recently been brought to our attention that some of you are stuck in emotional state 3A, Consumed by Fear. Though we have made a number of announcements recently about the need for an emotional-state change, and had hoped that this would be a relatively smooth and uniform process, we understand that 3A is a particularly robust state and that many of you may need further guidance on how to proceed.
You might remember that 3A was invoked, as a purely temporary response, after the Event of Great Magnitude. At the time, it was thought that 3A would be in effect for no longer than a short period, and that it would be at most a medium-term measure. We never intended for 3A to be a long-term solution. That said, it has become obvious that some of you have been unable to extricate yourselves from state 3A, despite our continued suggestions that you do so, and, thus, are attempting to function in an emotional state that does not efficiently deal with our current reality.
It has been found that an incremental approach may prove fruitful. Perhaps it would be helpful at this time for us to make some specific suggestions of alternative states you may want to explore, as a way of gradually distancing yourself from 3A. Our studies indicate that good first steps might be 5E, Generally Fearful; 10B, Apprehensive; or 11C, Jittery. (Check your manuals for appropriate definitions.) Again, these would only be stopgap measures, methods for moving slowly away from 3A and toward one of the currently recommended emotional states, such as 75D, Cautiously Guarded; 78A, Vaguely Alert; or even 105M, Mildly Optimistic.
Some of you may be tempted to try to go cold turkey, as it were, and plunge directly from emotional state 3A into one of the recommended states in the 70s or 80s. Though such efforts are not unheard of, we would emphasize that nearly all the known successful attempts have been conducted in laboratory settings, and that the procedure is rarely successful in real-world situations. That said, if you remain determined, we have made available a number of pamphlets outlining the generally accepted research in this area.
Please be aware that we are by no means recommending that you try to go anywhere near emotional state 800A, Calmly Focused; 805B, Gently Aware; or any of their associated states. As you probably know, these are advanced states that require a great deal of practice, and, depending on your region, there may be licensing requirements. These states should only be attempted by trained professionals operating in controlled conditions.
This brings us to the subject of unauthorized emotional states. As you may know, we have received multiple reports of unauthorized emotional states, many of them emanating from Sector 2 (not that we are pointing any fingers!), and we find ourselves Troubled (53B). Therefore, this may be a good opportunity to review some of the basic tenets of the Emotional State Paradigm, as agreed to at the 11th General Council, many of which relate directly to the aforementioned occurrences.
Emotional state 485G, Wild Abandon, is officially reserved for weddings and public holidays, with significant leeway given for personal triumphs. The same goes for 430A, Effusive Joy; 430B, Elation; and 437C, Overwhelming Glee. (Again, see your manuals for definitions.) Although the decision to officially sanction these emotional states was regarded by some at the time as controversial, it was seen as a necessary precaution in the wake of the High-Level Hoax (remember how that turned out?) and, though carefully regulated, these states are now standard.
Given the large number of reports of recent instances of officially controlled emotional states, we would like to recommend some viable options for those of you wishing to express a more vibrant point of view. For those of you tempted to exhibit 485G, Wild Abandon, may we suggest 375B, Moderate Giddiness? This would provide the necessary irreverence of 485G but without the inherent danger. Another viable alternative might be 493E, General Excitability, which provides a similar adrenal rush but in more controllable doses. We have also seen success with 487C, Wholehearted Enthusiasm. Whatever method of substitution you choose to pursue, the main thing to keep in mind is that moderation is the key.
We are living in tumultuous times, which have obviously proved challenging, both for those of you striving to return from previously used emotional states that are no longer desirable and for those tempted into unauthorized states as a result of the recent, broadly perceived changes. Our goal is to be encouraging, not prescriptive, and punitive only in the face of the most egregious violations. We draw your attention to the large number of publicly available resources existent to help you through this period, and, as always, we remain humbly at your service.
It has recently been brought to our attention that some of you are stuck in emotional state 3A, Consumed by Fear. Though we have made a number of announcements recently about the need for an emotional-state change, and had hoped that this would be a relatively smooth and uniform process, we understand that 3A is a particularly robust state and that many of you may need further guidance on how to proceed.
You might remember that 3A was invoked, as a purely temporary response, after the Event of Great Magnitude. At the time, it was thought that 3A would be in effect for no longer than a short period, and that it would be at most a medium-term measure. We never intended for 3A to be a long-term solution. That said, it has become obvious that some of you have been unable to extricate yourselves from state 3A, despite our continued suggestions that you do so, and, thus, are attempting to function in an emotional state that does not efficiently deal with our current reality.
It has been found that an incremental approach may prove fruitful. Perhaps it would be helpful at this time for us to make some specific suggestions of alternative states you may want to explore, as a way of gradually distancing yourself from 3A. Our studies indicate that good first steps might be 5E, Generally Fearful; 10B, Apprehensive; or 11C, Jittery. (Check your manuals for appropriate definitions.) Again, these would only be stopgap measures, methods for moving slowly away from 3A and toward one of the currently recommended emotional states, such as 75D, Cautiously Guarded; 78A, Vaguely Alert; or even 105M, Mildly Optimistic.
Some of you may be tempted to try to go cold turkey, as it were, and plunge directly from emotional state 3A into one of the recommended states in the 70s or 80s. Though such efforts are not unheard of, we would emphasize that nearly all the known successful attempts have been conducted in laboratory settings, and that the procedure is rarely successful in real-world situations. That said, if you remain determined, we have made available a number of pamphlets outlining the generally accepted research in this area.
Please be aware that we are by no means recommending that you try to go anywhere near emotional state 800A, Calmly Focused; 805B, Gently Aware; or any of their associated states. As you probably know, these are advanced states that require a great deal of practice, and, depending on your region, there may be licensing requirements. These states should only be attempted by trained professionals operating in controlled conditions.
This brings us to the subject of unauthorized emotional states. As you may know, we have received multiple reports of unauthorized emotional states, many of them emanating from Sector 2 (not that we are pointing any fingers!), and we find ourselves Troubled (53B). Therefore, this may be a good opportunity to review some of the basic tenets of the Emotional State Paradigm, as agreed to at the 11th General Council, many of which relate directly to the aforementioned occurrences.
Emotional state 485G, Wild Abandon, is officially reserved for weddings and public holidays, with significant leeway given for personal triumphs. The same goes for 430A, Effusive Joy; 430B, Elation; and 437C, Overwhelming Glee. (Again, see your manuals for definitions.) Although the decision to officially sanction these emotional states was regarded by some at the time as controversial, it was seen as a necessary precaution in the wake of the High-Level Hoax (remember how that turned out?) and, though carefully regulated, these states are now standard.
Given the large number of reports of recent instances of officially controlled emotional states, we would like to recommend some viable options for those of you wishing to express a more vibrant point of view. For those of you tempted to exhibit 485G, Wild Abandon, may we suggest 375B, Moderate Giddiness? This would provide the necessary irreverence of 485G but without the inherent danger. Another viable alternative might be 493E, General Excitability, which provides a similar adrenal rush but in more controllable doses. We have also seen success with 487C, Wholehearted Enthusiasm. Whatever method of substitution you choose to pursue, the main thing to keep in mind is that moderation is the key.
We are living in tumultuous times, which have obviously proved challenging, both for those of you striving to return from previously used emotional states that are no longer desirable and for those tempted into unauthorized states as a result of the recent, broadly perceived changes. Our goal is to be encouraging, not prescriptive, and punitive only in the face of the most egregious violations. We draw your attention to the large number of publicly available resources existent to help you through this period, and, as always, we remain humbly at your service.
INTERNET-AGE WRITING SYLLABUS AND COURSE OVERVIEW
- - - -
ENG 371WR:
Writing for Nonreaders in the Postprint Era
M-W-F: 11:00 a.m.–12:15 p.m.
Course Description
As print takes its place alongside smoke signals, cuneiform, and hollering, there has emerged a new literary age, one in which writers no longer need to feel encumbered by the paper cuts, reading, and excessive use of words traditionally associated with the writing trade. Writing for Nonreaders in the Postprint Era focuses on the creation of short-form prose that is not intended to be reproduced on pulp fibers.
Instant messaging. Twittering. Facebook updates. These 21st-century literary genres are defining a new "Lost Generation" of minimalists who would much rather watch Lost on their iPhones than toil over long-winded articles and short stories. Students will acquire the tools needed to make their tweets glimmer with a complete lack of forethought, their Facebook updates ring with self-importance, and their blog entries shimmer with literary pithiness. All without the restraints of writing in complete sentences. w00t! w00t! Throughout the course, a further paring down of the Hemingway/Stein school of minimalism will be emphasized, limiting the superfluous use of nouns, verbs, adverbs, adjectives, conjunctions, gerunds, and other literary pitfalls.
Prerequisites
Students must have completed at least two of the following.
ENG: 232WR—Advanced Tweeting: The Elements of Droll
LIT: 223—Early-21st-Century Literature: 140 Characters or Less
ENG: 102—Staring Blankly at Handheld Devices While Others Are Talking
ENG: 301—Advanced Blog and Book Skimming
ENG: 231WR—Facebook Wall Alliteration and Assonance
LIT: 202—The Literary Merits of Lolcats
LIT: 209—Internet-Age Surrealistic Narcissism and Self-Absorption
Required Reading Materials
Literary works, including the online table of contents of the Huffington Post's Complete Guide to Blogging, will serve as models to be skimmed for thorough analysis. Also, Perez Hilton's Twitter feed.
SECTION 1:
LECTURE AND DISCUSSION
The Writing Is on the Wall:
Why Print/Reading Will Go the Way
of the Pictograph
Four weeks will be devoted to discussing the publishing industry and why―with the exception of wordless celebrity glossies―the print medium is, um, boring and, furthermore, totally dull.
Week 1:
Reading is stoopid
This fundamental truth may seem obvious to today's youth, but this wasn't always the case. Students will examine why former generations carried around heavy clumps of bound paper and why they chose to read instead of watching TV or playing Guitar Hero.
Week 2:
Printing words isn't good
for the environment
Students will evaluate why, as BuzzMachine founder Jeff Jarvis articulates, "Paper is where words go to die." Paper is also where rainforests go to die, which, needless to say, isn't good for the Hyla rhodopepla tree frog. Thus, while older generations wax nostalgic about curling up by the fireplace with a good book or the Sunday paper, students will be encouraged to remember The Lorax (the animated anti-logging-industry television special, not the book).
Week 3:
Curling up with
a good book/newspaper
is dangerous
Students will explore the dangers of curling up by fires with books and newspapers. That paper could catch fire should an ember unexpectedly pop out. And all that curling is not good for people's backs. Especially since most readers of books, magazines, and newspapers are elderly and are thus already more likely to suffer from back ailments.
Week 4:
The Kindle Question
Is Amazon's wireless reading device the Segway of handheld gadgets? Should it be smaller, come with headphones, and play MP3s instead of display book text? Students will discuss.
SECTION 2:
WRITING WORKSHOP
I Can Haz Writin Skillz?
This section of the course is a workshop where students will work to perfect their tweeting, blogging, and short-form writing skills.
Week 5:
Grammar and Technique
Navigating the ever-changing landscape of Internet slang and chatspeak is essential to creating effective tweets, instant messages, and text messages. Students will practice using emoticons to create powerful dialogue and to establish dramatic irony. They'll learn to gracefully integrate complex expressions into their IM writing, substituting the trite LOL ("laughing out loud") and "meh" (the written equivalent of a shrug) with more-advanced expressions like BOSMKL ("bending over smacking my knee laughing") and HFACTDEWARIUCSMNUWKIASLAMB ("holy flipping animal crackers, that doesn't even warrant a response; if you could see me now, you would know that I am shrugging like a mofu, biotch"). Students will be encouraged to nurture their craft, free of the restraints of punctuation, syntax, and grammar.
Week 6:
140 Characters or Less
Students will acquire the tools needed to make their tweets come alive with shallow wit. They'll learn how to construct Facebook status updates that glitter with irony, absurdity, and dramatic glibness. When tweeting, for instance, that "John is enjoying a buttery English muffin," why not add a link to an image of a muffin with butter oozing from its nooks and crannies? Or why not exaggerate a tad and say that there's bacon on that muffin, even if there's not? It's called poetic license when writers do it! Students will be encouraged to show honesty and vulnerability in their tweets: "Lydia is lounging about in her underwear at 401 Park Street apartment #2, feeling guilty about telling her boss that her uncle died but enjoying the day off." There's no such thing as oversharing when you're a writer.
Week 7:
Blogging
No postprint writing class would be complete without a comprehensive overview of blog writing. Students will work to make their blogging more vivid using the fundamentals of the craft, such as imagery, foreshadowing, symbolism, and viral paparazzi photos of celebrity nip slips. Students will practice posting viral YouTube videos with eye-catching headlines like "Check this out," "BOSMKL," and "Doesn't this CRAZY cat look like she's giving that ferret a high-five?" Students will learn time-saving tricks, like how to construct an 800-word blog entry in 30 seconds using a simple news article and copy-and-paste. And, as an exercise in the first-person narrative form, students will blog intimate details about their lives, their studies, and their sexual histories (with pictures), with the intent of being linked to by gossip sites and/or discovered by future employers.
SECTION 3:
LECTURE AND DISCUSSION
The Industry—Getting Published
Students will learn inside knowledge about the industry—getting published, getting paid, dealing with agents and editors—and assess why all the aforementioned are no longer applicable in the postprint, post-reading age.
Week 8:
New Rules
Students will analyze the publishing industry and learn how to be more innovative than the bards of yesteryear. They'll be asked to consider, for instance, Thomas Pynchon. How much more successful would Gravity's Rainbow have been if it were two paragraphs long and posted on a blog beneath a picture of scantily clad coeds? And why not add a Google search box? Or what if Susan Sontag had friended 10 million people on Facebook and then published a shorter version of The Volcano Lover as a status update: "Susan thinks a volcano is a great metaphor for primal passion. Also, streak of my hair turning white—d'oh!"
Attendance: Unnecessary, but students should be signed onto IM and/or have their phones turned on.
Evaluation: Students will be graded on the RBBEAW* system, developed to assess and score students based on their own relative merit.
A+ = 100–90
A = 89–80
A- = 79–70
A-- = 69–60
A--- = 59–50
A---- = 49–0
- - - -
* Raised by Boomers, Everyone's a Winner
ENG 371WR:
Writing for Nonreaders in the Postprint Era
M-W-F: 11:00 a.m.–12:15 p.m.
Course Description
As print takes its place alongside smoke signals, cuneiform, and hollering, there has emerged a new literary age, one in which writers no longer need to feel encumbered by the paper cuts, reading, and excessive use of words traditionally associated with the writing trade. Writing for Nonreaders in the Postprint Era focuses on the creation of short-form prose that is not intended to be reproduced on pulp fibers.
Instant messaging. Twittering. Facebook updates. These 21st-century literary genres are defining a new "Lost Generation" of minimalists who would much rather watch Lost on their iPhones than toil over long-winded articles and short stories. Students will acquire the tools needed to make their tweets glimmer with a complete lack of forethought, their Facebook updates ring with self-importance, and their blog entries shimmer with literary pithiness. All without the restraints of writing in complete sentences. w00t! w00t! Throughout the course, a further paring down of the Hemingway/Stein school of minimalism will be emphasized, limiting the superfluous use of nouns, verbs, adverbs, adjectives, conjunctions, gerunds, and other literary pitfalls.
Prerequisites
Students must have completed at least two of the following.
ENG: 232WR—Advanced Tweeting: The Elements of Droll
LIT: 223—Early-21st-Century Literature: 140 Characters or Less
ENG: 102—Staring Blankly at Handheld Devices While Others Are Talking
ENG: 301—Advanced Blog and Book Skimming
ENG: 231WR—Facebook Wall Alliteration and Assonance
LIT: 202—The Literary Merits of Lolcats
LIT: 209—Internet-Age Surrealistic Narcissism and Self-Absorption
Required Reading Materials
Literary works, including the online table of contents of the Huffington Post's Complete Guide to Blogging, will serve as models to be skimmed for thorough analysis. Also, Perez Hilton's Twitter feed.
SECTION 1:
LECTURE AND DISCUSSION
The Writing Is on the Wall:
Why Print/Reading Will Go the Way
of the Pictograph
Four weeks will be devoted to discussing the publishing industry and why―with the exception of wordless celebrity glossies―the print medium is, um, boring and, furthermore, totally dull.
Week 1:
Reading is stoopid
This fundamental truth may seem obvious to today's youth, but this wasn't always the case. Students will examine why former generations carried around heavy clumps of bound paper and why they chose to read instead of watching TV or playing Guitar Hero.
Week 2:
Printing words isn't good
for the environment
Students will evaluate why, as BuzzMachine founder Jeff Jarvis articulates, "Paper is where words go to die." Paper is also where rainforests go to die, which, needless to say, isn't good for the Hyla rhodopepla tree frog. Thus, while older generations wax nostalgic about curling up by the fireplace with a good book or the Sunday paper, students will be encouraged to remember The Lorax (the animated anti-logging-industry television special, not the book).
Week 3:
Curling up with
a good book/newspaper
is dangerous
Students will explore the dangers of curling up by fires with books and newspapers. That paper could catch fire should an ember unexpectedly pop out. And all that curling is not good for people's backs. Especially since most readers of books, magazines, and newspapers are elderly and are thus already more likely to suffer from back ailments.
Week 4:
The Kindle Question
Is Amazon's wireless reading device the Segway of handheld gadgets? Should it be smaller, come with headphones, and play MP3s instead of display book text? Students will discuss.
SECTION 2:
WRITING WORKSHOP
I Can Haz Writin Skillz?
This section of the course is a workshop where students will work to perfect their tweeting, blogging, and short-form writing skills.
Week 5:
Grammar and Technique
Navigating the ever-changing landscape of Internet slang and chatspeak is essential to creating effective tweets, instant messages, and text messages. Students will practice using emoticons to create powerful dialogue and to establish dramatic irony. They'll learn to gracefully integrate complex expressions into their IM writing, substituting the trite LOL ("laughing out loud") and "meh" (the written equivalent of a shrug) with more-advanced expressions like BOSMKL ("bending over smacking my knee laughing") and HFACTDEWARIUCSMNUWKIASLAMB ("holy flipping animal crackers, that doesn't even warrant a response; if you could see me now, you would know that I am shrugging like a mofu, biotch"). Students will be encouraged to nurture their craft, free of the restraints of punctuation, syntax, and grammar.
Week 6:
140 Characters or Less
Students will acquire the tools needed to make their tweets come alive with shallow wit. They'll learn how to construct Facebook status updates that glitter with irony, absurdity, and dramatic glibness. When tweeting, for instance, that "John is enjoying a buttery English muffin," why not add a link to an image of a muffin with butter oozing from its nooks and crannies? Or why not exaggerate a tad and say that there's bacon on that muffin, even if there's not? It's called poetic license when writers do it! Students will be encouraged to show honesty and vulnerability in their tweets: "Lydia is lounging about in her underwear at 401 Park Street apartment #2, feeling guilty about telling her boss that her uncle died but enjoying the day off." There's no such thing as oversharing when you're a writer.
Week 7:
Blogging
No postprint writing class would be complete without a comprehensive overview of blog writing. Students will work to make their blogging more vivid using the fundamentals of the craft, such as imagery, foreshadowing, symbolism, and viral paparazzi photos of celebrity nip slips. Students will practice posting viral YouTube videos with eye-catching headlines like "Check this out," "BOSMKL," and "Doesn't this CRAZY cat look like she's giving that ferret a high-five?" Students will learn time-saving tricks, like how to construct an 800-word blog entry in 30 seconds using a simple news article and copy-and-paste. And, as an exercise in the first-person narrative form, students will blog intimate details about their lives, their studies, and their sexual histories (with pictures), with the intent of being linked to by gossip sites and/or discovered by future employers.
SECTION 3:
LECTURE AND DISCUSSION
The Industry—Getting Published
Students will learn inside knowledge about the industry—getting published, getting paid, dealing with agents and editors—and assess why all the aforementioned are no longer applicable in the postprint, post-reading age.
Week 8:
New Rules
Students will analyze the publishing industry and learn how to be more innovative than the bards of yesteryear. They'll be asked to consider, for instance, Thomas Pynchon. How much more successful would Gravity's Rainbow have been if it were two paragraphs long and posted on a blog beneath a picture of scantily clad coeds? And why not add a Google search box? Or what if Susan Sontag had friended 10 million people on Facebook and then published a shorter version of The Volcano Lover as a status update: "Susan thinks a volcano is a great metaphor for primal passion. Also, streak of my hair turning white—d'oh!"
Attendance: Unnecessary, but students should be signed onto IM and/or have their phones turned on.
Evaluation: Students will be graded on the RBBEAW* system, developed to assess and score students based on their own relative merit.
A+ = 100–90
A = 89–80
A- = 79–70
A-- = 69–60
A--- = 59–50
A---- = 49–0
- - - -
* Raised by Boomers, Everyone's a Winner
Monday, April 06, 2009
Free Will
PRAYER OF GRATITUDE
TO THE TRICKY GODDESS OF BENEVOLENT MISCHIEF
All hail the Tricky Goddess of Benevolent Mischief, also known as the Cosmic Instigator of Healing Trouble. Let us praise and ratify her ingenious plan to turn the status quo upside-down.
The vivid exposure of greed, corruption, and delusion among the top echelons of the American political and financial hierarchy is a blessing on all of humanity.
The eruption of fertile chaos is making it difficult to carry on with business as usual, and we could not have received a more energizing gift.
A prayer:
Oh Wise Trickster Goddess, You Compassionate Conjurer of Relentless Change, You Righteous Rascal in Charge of Keeping a Steady Flow of Sacred Uproar Pouring into Our Lives:
Please continue to influence the masters of plutocracy and war and their media minions to be ever-more obvious as they spin out their perversions of your glorious creation, so that more and more of our sleeping tribe will wake up to the Open Secret.
Inspire the enforcers of mass hallucination to display their hypocrisy in an ever-escalating melodrama of spittle flecks and sour faces, as in a slapstick morality play from the Middle Ages, so that we, their captive audience, may convulse with purgative guffaws that shatter the mass hallucination.
And if you don't mind, Sweet Divine Rebel Goddess, please allow us to nurture a spark of hope that the breakdown in the Way Things Have Always Been Done will lead to fresh, hot, tidal-wave breakthroughs of beauty, truth, justice, equality and love everywhere we turn.
And now, in my capacity as Sacred Janitor of the Invisible Government of Sweaty Meditation, I hereby declare the entire United States of America a Temporary Autonomous Zone.
A Temporary Autonomous Zone (TAZ) is any festive event that liberates the imaginations of everyone present, thereby making it possible for life to be penetrated by the Marvelous. Authority and dignity and routine have no place at a TAZ; an uninhibited quest for rabble-rousing conviviality must be the only guideline.
Here are a few suggestions to get you started in creating your own local celebration of TAZ. Feel free to dream up your own, and make sure to tell me about them.
Organize a strike in your school or workplace on the grounds that it does not satisfy your need for indolence and spiritual beauty. Burglarize houses, but instead of stealing, leave behind beautiful and confusing gifts. Spread gossip about the unsung genius of people who don't get nearly enough credit for their good work.
Take a few friends and a boom box to an all-night grocery store and engage in ecstatic, whirling dervish-style dancing in the aisles until you're thrown out. Scrawl the following graffiti in courthouse lavatories and on playground walls: "I dare you to scare yourself with how beautiful you are."
Pick people at random' and convince them they're the heirs to an enormous, useless, and amazing fortune—say, 5,000 square miles of Antarctica, or an aging circus elephant, or a leper colony in India, or a collection of alchemical manuscripts. Later they will come to realize that for a few moments they believed in something extraordinary, and will perhaps be driven to cultivate a more intense quest for exhilarating adventures.
Scrawl the following poem by Hafiz in courthouse lavatories, on playground walls, and through e-mail lists:
AT THIS PARTY
I don't want to be the only one here
Telling all the secrets --
Filling up all the bowls at this party,
Taking all the laughs.
I would like you
To start putting things on the table
That can also feed the soul
The way I do.
That way
We can invite
A hell of a lot more
Friends.
TO THE TRICKY GODDESS OF BENEVOLENT MISCHIEF
All hail the Tricky Goddess of Benevolent Mischief, also known as the Cosmic Instigator of Healing Trouble. Let us praise and ratify her ingenious plan to turn the status quo upside-down.
The vivid exposure of greed, corruption, and delusion among the top echelons of the American political and financial hierarchy is a blessing on all of humanity.
The eruption of fertile chaos is making it difficult to carry on with business as usual, and we could not have received a more energizing gift.
A prayer:
Oh Wise Trickster Goddess, You Compassionate Conjurer of Relentless Change, You Righteous Rascal in Charge of Keeping a Steady Flow of Sacred Uproar Pouring into Our Lives:
Please continue to influence the masters of plutocracy and war and their media minions to be ever-more obvious as they spin out their perversions of your glorious creation, so that more and more of our sleeping tribe will wake up to the Open Secret.
Inspire the enforcers of mass hallucination to display their hypocrisy in an ever-escalating melodrama of spittle flecks and sour faces, as in a slapstick morality play from the Middle Ages, so that we, their captive audience, may convulse with purgative guffaws that shatter the mass hallucination.
And if you don't mind, Sweet Divine Rebel Goddess, please allow us to nurture a spark of hope that the breakdown in the Way Things Have Always Been Done will lead to fresh, hot, tidal-wave breakthroughs of beauty, truth, justice, equality and love everywhere we turn.
And now, in my capacity as Sacred Janitor of the Invisible Government of Sweaty Meditation, I hereby declare the entire United States of America a Temporary Autonomous Zone.
A Temporary Autonomous Zone (TAZ) is any festive event that liberates the imaginations of everyone present, thereby making it possible for life to be penetrated by the Marvelous. Authority and dignity and routine have no place at a TAZ; an uninhibited quest for rabble-rousing conviviality must be the only guideline.
Here are a few suggestions to get you started in creating your own local celebration of TAZ. Feel free to dream up your own, and make sure to tell me about them.
Organize a strike in your school or workplace on the grounds that it does not satisfy your need for indolence and spiritual beauty. Burglarize houses, but instead of stealing, leave behind beautiful and confusing gifts. Spread gossip about the unsung genius of people who don't get nearly enough credit for their good work.
Take a few friends and a boom box to an all-night grocery store and engage in ecstatic, whirling dervish-style dancing in the aisles until you're thrown out. Scrawl the following graffiti in courthouse lavatories and on playground walls: "I dare you to scare yourself with how beautiful you are."
Pick people at random' and convince them they're the heirs to an enormous, useless, and amazing fortune—say, 5,000 square miles of Antarctica, or an aging circus elephant, or a leper colony in India, or a collection of alchemical manuscripts. Later they will come to realize that for a few moments they believed in something extraordinary, and will perhaps be driven to cultivate a more intense quest for exhilarating adventures.
Scrawl the following poem by Hafiz in courthouse lavatories, on playground walls, and through e-mail lists:
AT THIS PARTY
I don't want to be the only one here
Telling all the secrets --
Filling up all the bowls at this party,
Taking all the laughs.
I would like you
To start putting things on the table
That can also feed the soul
The way I do.
That way
We can invite
A hell of a lot more
Friends.
Friday, April 03, 2009
Satire - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Satire - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia: "Satire is often strictly defined as a literary genre or form; although, in practice, it is also found in the graphic and performing arts. In satire, human or individual vices, follies, abuses, or shortcomings are held up to censure by means of ridicule, derision, burlesque, irony, or other methods, ideally with the intent to bring about improvement.[1] Although satire is usually meant to be funny, the purpose of satire is not primarily humour in itself so much as an attack on something of which the author strongly disapproves, using the weapon of wit.
A very common, almost defining feature of satire is its strong vein of irony or sarcasm, but parody, burlesque, exaggeration, juxtaposition, comparison, analogy, and double entendre are all frequently used in satirical speech and writing. The essential point, however, is that 'in satire, irony is militant'.[2] This 'militant irony' (or sarcasm) often professes to approve the very things the satirist actually wishes to attack."
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