Hot pick-up line, needs work.

If you were a new breed of chili pepper, you would be shiny and exotic and have nice smooth skin, and I would slice you in half and remove your stem but keep the inner ribbing and seeds (where the heat of the pepper is concentrated), which would prove to be a huge mistake, for I would mince you and add you to the ground turkey mixture that I'd be cooking and using as the filling for my low-fat baked empanadas, and I'd take one taste and immediately regret not researching the Scoville rating of you-as-a-pepper (which would somehow rank higher than pure capsaicin), and I'd begin to sweat and tear because you are so damn hot, and you'd think I was gross and had some sort of glandular problem, and I'd take the knife I used to slice you in your chili form and I'd plunge that knife into my heart because I couldn't bear it if you found me repulsive.