Tuesday, May 22, 2007
THE SPOOKY JAPANESE GIRL IS THERE FOR YOU.
- - - -
You lose your credit card
... and call the company, but no one answers—and that hissing noise? The Japanese girl ghost. You say "Hello?" three times. Then she hangs up. You shiver ... What's that? A replacement card. In your wallet.
You're on a date
... and trying too hard. You drop a knife, and there she is, underneath a table—pale arms, red dress, long black hair covering her face. You jump back. Your date says that you look like you've seen a ghost. You try to laugh, but can't. Your date thinks you're a complicated man, a man haunted by a dark, interesting past. And you are. You are haunted by your past—also by the ghost of a Japanese schoolgirl.
You're at the gym
... and slacking. You think you'll do 15 minutes on the treadmill, then call it a day. But you look up and the spooky Japanese ghost is on CNN complaining about broken borders and how no one cares about the middle class. You run for a full half-hour, fueled by righteous indignation.
You're at home
... and it's late, you're tired, and none of the light bulbs you've just replaced are working right: they flicker, they cast shadows that look like people or birds or household appliances. You're in bed, the TV tuned to static because you were so angry about the war on the middle class that you canceled your cable, and you're looking at the ceiling. The Japanese ghost crawls from one corner to the next. Her hair still covers her face. She moves in bizarre, halting steps, crawling to every lamp in your house and adjusting every bulb until the bedroom is bathed in a soothing glow. You sleep and forget to turn off the lights. The spooky Japanese ghost does it for you, then vanishes, never to appear again. Years later, you're walking down the street and spot a small distant figure in a red dress, and you run to her and—never mind, it's someone else. She's gone, you miss her, but ghosts move on: They can't hang around all day. They've got things to do.
You lose your credit card
... and call the company, but no one answers—and that hissing noise? The Japanese girl ghost. You say "Hello?" three times. Then she hangs up. You shiver ... What's that? A replacement card. In your wallet.
You're on a date
... and trying too hard. You drop a knife, and there she is, underneath a table—pale arms, red dress, long black hair covering her face. You jump back. Your date says that you look like you've seen a ghost. You try to laugh, but can't. Your date thinks you're a complicated man, a man haunted by a dark, interesting past. And you are. You are haunted by your past—also by the ghost of a Japanese schoolgirl.
You're at the gym
... and slacking. You think you'll do 15 minutes on the treadmill, then call it a day. But you look up and the spooky Japanese ghost is on CNN complaining about broken borders and how no one cares about the middle class. You run for a full half-hour, fueled by righteous indignation.
You're at home
... and it's late, you're tired, and none of the light bulbs you've just replaced are working right: they flicker, they cast shadows that look like people or birds or household appliances. You're in bed, the TV tuned to static because you were so angry about the war on the middle class that you canceled your cable, and you're looking at the ceiling. The Japanese ghost crawls from one corner to the next. Her hair still covers her face. She moves in bizarre, halting steps, crawling to every lamp in your house and adjusting every bulb until the bedroom is bathed in a soothing glow. You sleep and forget to turn off the lights. The spooky Japanese ghost does it for you, then vanishes, never to appear again. Years later, you're walking down the street and spot a small distant figure in a red dress, and you run to her and—never mind, it's someone else. She's gone, you miss her, but ghosts move on: They can't hang around all day. They've got things to do.
The State of Affairs
Four hundred thousand deaths every year—and growing. From smoking, I mean. Deaths from smoking. Nearly half a million people are dying from smoking-related things every year. Americans, that is. I'm talking about half a million Americans. I don't have the numbers of smoking-related deaths in other countries. But 400,000 Americans dying from smoking every year: that's bad. And I am not exactly sure what we should do about it.
Global warming is the biggest threat facing the globe today. Second-biggest threat. Terrorism, then global warming. Or maybe the reverse. At any rate, I will mention that teen pregnancy is also on the rise. Some people consider that a threat. Me, I'm not so sure that's a threat. My mother had me when she was 19, and on purpose. So that was not such a bad thing. Make love, not war, right? To an extent.
The point is: The globe is heating up, terrorists are trying to rule the world, and babies keep popping out of teenage girls. All of these things should be addressed. At some point, we will also need to figure out what to do about DVD pirating.
Christina Williams is a typical high-school freshman on the outskirts of Pittsburgh. She is captain of the cheerleading squad, an active member of the French Club, and just beginning to learn tae kwon do. Christina has a steady boyfriend who loves her, for the most part, and a weekend job serving ice cream at the local Scoops. She hopes to go into law or real estate when she grows up, and recently organized a highly successful bake sale to raise awareness of France.
Christina Williams doesn't have health insurance.
As for Iraq: I must say I'm a little torn on this issue. I can sort of see all sides of the argument. Do we increase troops or begin to withdraw? Do we set a deadline or play it by ear? I don't really have an answer. If we increase troops, then that equals more Americans fighting what some might consider a hopeless war. If we withdraw now, then we will leave an extraordinary mess behind us. Setting a deadline seems pretty pointless. But if we play it by ear, then we might not feel any sense of urgency.
The whole thing is nothing short of a complete disaster. Yikes!!
When exactly did the Catholic Church become such an enormous institution? Don't get me wrong. I admire religion, but this particular one seems a tad too organized—and large. That being said, I will admit that I sort of like this current pope. Having said that, I should mention that I don't like him very much. He tends to say some pretty outrageous things. Though I do admire his chutzpah.
Dolphins keep getting snared in nets meant for tuna, but I wouldn't exactly advise a ban on tuna. There is no point in throwing out the baby with the bathwater—although maybe there is. However, a tuna ban seems pretty implausible. A lot of people really enjoy tuna fish.
What is the deal with these immigrants?
I would love to hear my readers' feedback. Most of what I write depends on what inspires me. And you, the readership, inspire me. So please send any comments, thoughts, questions, or concerns my way. I look forward to reading them.
Please send only positive feedback. I get anxious.
Global warming is the biggest threat facing the globe today. Second-biggest threat. Terrorism, then global warming. Or maybe the reverse. At any rate, I will mention that teen pregnancy is also on the rise. Some people consider that a threat. Me, I'm not so sure that's a threat. My mother had me when she was 19, and on purpose. So that was not such a bad thing. Make love, not war, right? To an extent.
The point is: The globe is heating up, terrorists are trying to rule the world, and babies keep popping out of teenage girls. All of these things should be addressed. At some point, we will also need to figure out what to do about DVD pirating.
Christina Williams is a typical high-school freshman on the outskirts of Pittsburgh. She is captain of the cheerleading squad, an active member of the French Club, and just beginning to learn tae kwon do. Christina has a steady boyfriend who loves her, for the most part, and a weekend job serving ice cream at the local Scoops. She hopes to go into law or real estate when she grows up, and recently organized a highly successful bake sale to raise awareness of France.
Christina Williams doesn't have health insurance.
As for Iraq: I must say I'm a little torn on this issue. I can sort of see all sides of the argument. Do we increase troops or begin to withdraw? Do we set a deadline or play it by ear? I don't really have an answer. If we increase troops, then that equals more Americans fighting what some might consider a hopeless war. If we withdraw now, then we will leave an extraordinary mess behind us. Setting a deadline seems pretty pointless. But if we play it by ear, then we might not feel any sense of urgency.
The whole thing is nothing short of a complete disaster. Yikes!!
When exactly did the Catholic Church become such an enormous institution? Don't get me wrong. I admire religion, but this particular one seems a tad too organized—and large. That being said, I will admit that I sort of like this current pope. Having said that, I should mention that I don't like him very much. He tends to say some pretty outrageous things. Though I do admire his chutzpah.
Dolphins keep getting snared in nets meant for tuna, but I wouldn't exactly advise a ban on tuna. There is no point in throwing out the baby with the bathwater—although maybe there is. However, a tuna ban seems pretty implausible. A lot of people really enjoy tuna fish.
What is the deal with these immigrants?
I would love to hear my readers' feedback. Most of what I write depends on what inspires me. And you, the readership, inspire me. So please send any comments, thoughts, questions, or concerns my way. I look forward to reading them.
Please send only positive feedback. I get anxious.
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